Jealousy Is Really A Lack Of Trust In God

Jealousy Is Really A Lack Of Trust In God

By Kathy Clark

 

A while back I wrote this in response to a testimony I read that blessed me. I thought to post my response here in hopes that it might help someone in a similar state of bondage. Know that freedom is offered to all that trust in the Lord Jesus Christ as their life. He will safely keep that which you entrust to Him.

Here is the post:

Well Dearest Appolus you have made me cry today, and I thank you for it. Oh for more testimonies like this one. If we could just share our hearts in this way deliverance would come to many.

Rev 12:11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.

This testimony brings to my mind a place where I was bound even after 8 years of being apprehended by my Savior.

I had this horrible rage and jealousy with regards to my husband. Every time he would go anywhere I would grill him and rake him over the coals to find out exactly where he was, what he did, and more importantly, who he talked to. Were there any women there? etc. I never gave the man a moments peace. And he was a good husband and father, it was all in my head or really my heart, just as you said.

I would repent, ask God for forgiveness, resolve never to do it again, but it was repeated constantly. I doubt you could imagine just how mean I was.

Well one day after a particularly ugly send off to my husband as he went on a little fishing trip, I fell on the floor and wept until I thought I would die. I kept asking God why I had no control over my reactions, and the word came. "You don't trust Me."

He then began to show me how growing up there was no stability in my life, sometime I was in a children's home, or pushed off with relatives. Drinking was a big part of my families life too, and immoral lifestyles all added to the dysfunction that left me insecure. Even though people thought I was pretty, I always felt ugly, and never had any friends because I wasn't long enough in one place to make any. I had "0" self esteem. I couldn't believe anyone would stay with me, really love me, and thought that everyone would eventually leave me. God called all this to my remembrance.

He then spoke to me a word that has totally set me free. "Even if your husband leaves you, I never will." It was like a light went on in my spirit. I saw that though mother and father forsake you, He never would. I could trust Him to be my everything, and all I needed. The truth of why I was reacting this way brought healing and deliverance to my bound heart. I have never been the same.

I am still married to the same great man, we have been married 41 years now and I haven't grilled him in years. We have peace in our home because I trust in my Almighty Savior for everything that concerns me. Even when pretty women come around I am free, free, free. Hallelujah.

Truly the things that shape us in our childhood can become road blocks to our freedom in Christ. Victory can only come when the spotlight of truth is shone into that painful area, allowing God to heal it. I can say that the joy that flooded my soul on being set free from my bondage is incredible. I count that day as a epoch in my life. I am so grateful for it. Peace in the inner man is of great value.

Fear has torment. I was afraid of being left because everyone in my childhood left me in different degrees. There was no stability, no sureness. I couldn't count on anything, accept emotional pain. But Jesus.......

Even though the years have made pudgy, and age has left me with no real outward beauty, I can look in the mirror and say I like what I see, I like the person He has made me to be, even though He is still working on me :0). I am not ugly to myself anymore because He values me and loves me. I thought myself worthless, but that was a lie of the enemy propagated by my past, but now I am free indeed. I no longer have to focus on myself, but on my redeemer and His plan for my life. Glory to God. What does the world have to offer, just more death, but I know the joy that comes in the morning. There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother, and His name is the Lord Jesus Christ.

Eph 1:6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

Jhn 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Again, thanks for sharing your touching testimony Appolus. I was really blessed by it. This is such a wonderful piece of the mosaic of your life. I see why you have the love and depth in your writing. Refiners fires have had their work in you and it leaves you with blessings for others. Thanks. All glory to God. Only He can take what is esteemed as worthless and make jewels out of it. Oh what a awesome God we serve.

 

I would like to add to this testimony an event that happened shortly after God revealed these things to my heart. A man from church asked me if I could spend a little time with his girlfriend to encourage her in the things of God. I said sure, even though I didn't know her. We set it up to go to lunch. We chose a place all the way across town, and met there.

 

During the course of the conversation I started to share with her the above revelation, and my freedom, and the rejoicing that I was experiencing. When the our visit wound down a lady got up from the booth behind the lady I was with and came and stood next to our table. She asked can I share something with you? I said sure. She said, I have been having trouble with my marriage, and I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but when you began to share about your deliverance and freedom, the entire conversation was just what I have been going through, and she was weeping. I hadn't even planned on coming to this restaurant, but just needed a place to think, but now I have to go home and explain to my husband why I was in a restaurant all by myself, and how I heard everything I needed to hear about our troubled marriage, and the answer to it. This woman was so blessed. The lady I was with had her mouth hanging open in amazement. Then the lady left, and we left thanking God.

 

I was  on cloud 9 on the ride home. I began to think about all God had orchestrated to bring healing to another lady, a restaurant far across town, bringing that lady to a place she doesn't usually go, at a time she doesn't usually go, etc. I was so rejoiced at how much our God loves us and how involved He is on our everyday lives. He is not a distant God, but an up-close and personal God. Hallelujah. I love Him so, and He will never leave us or forsake us. Amen!

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